Tho’ barren and alone you stood by the roadside, you still managed to capture my attention.  The moment I stepped out of the car and I looked up, I was mesmerized.  You must have been an even more awesome tree when you had your leaves on you. But alas, something must’ve happened to make you lose all of ‘em.  Not even a single leaf as a reminder of how robust you were.  Nothing but your barren branches as a stark reminder of what you must have been.  Still, I admire & appreciate your barren beauty.  As they say, beauty truly does lie in the eyes of the beholder.

= C’est Moi=

The 5 of us (Hamidah, Nor, myself, Sareenah & you) – we’re just truly in a league of our own.  We weren’t definitely the ‘popular’ bunch at school but then again, we didn’t really give a hoot.  Just as long as we have our usual ‘spot’ by the ‘longkang’ to stand at during lunch time during our secondary school days.  Thinking back now, I do wonder why the heck we even do that.  And on a regular basis too!! ;p You had always been the most patient and quietest one amongst the 5 of us.  But somehow, we all just clicked.  Gez it’s all fated huh? J Even though at times, you were teased endlessly by the rest of us, you still kept that quiet dignity of yours and just go with the flow.  I must admit that sometimes it drove me kinda nuts seeing you being that way, but now I realise that that is the one thing that makes you stand out as being truly YOU.  No other way to it.  And you sure did have your wacky, ‘cornee’ moments too.  Such a laugh that was whenever it happened.  ;p

4 year of being sec school friends…2 years of being in ITE together.. then another 10 years of being friends and colleagues at the same time.. but sadly, and as much as I hate to say this – I wonder why we didn’t really keep in touch during the last 4 years of our friendship together.  :( I gez there’s no point in bringing that all up now. Only Allah knows best.  Whatever happens, happens for a reason.  But alhamdullilah, I am truly glad and thankful beyond words that all 5 of us managed to finally get together again and celebrate Hari Raya Eidulfitri this year – 2010.  We were complete as a fivesome once more.  Although of course there are some additions to the gang already – hubbies & kids to be exact! :) I still remember the exact words your mom whispered to me as we left your home that nite – “Wonder when will it be yours & Rini’s turn to tie the knot eh??”.  And me being me, candidly I told her, ‘Insya Allah auntie.. all in good time.  The day will come.  Just have to be a bit more patient.” Well Alos, guess it’s just me now to hold the torch for the both of us.  Insya Allah I’m pretty sure you’ll find yours ‘up there’. :’) 

Who would’ve thought it’d be the last time we’d celebrate Eidulfitri together.   16 October 2010 – the day of your sudden demise.  I’m still trying to grasp the reality of it all.  I hope and pray that your beloved family especially your mom would be able to accept your untimely demise.  I hope and pray that they’ll be strong in facing the reality of it all, just as much as I hope and pray for the rest of us who had been close to you.  I know you’ve always been the pillar of your family, supporting them in every way that you possibly can.  I believe at times, others may see you as being a ‘meek’ person, including myself as much as I hate to say it.  But only Allah knows just how strong a person you were and no words could ever describe the degree of all that you had been through. 

My dear mate Sarini @ Alos.. I pray with all my heart that Allah blesses your dear soul and may He places you in the company of those who are believers.  Amin3x ya Rabbal alamin…

Rest in peace Los.. rest assured that you’re not ‘lost’ anymore.. for now you’re in His better hands.. I really do miss you already. :’(

 =C’est Moi= (16 Oct 2010) @ 12 am..

This song by the Indo band D’Masiv which I happened to chance upon via a friend’s FB page yesterday.  The melody is pretty simple yet soothing.  But it’s the lyrics which really captured my attention. Jangan menyerah.. Dun give up.  There’s a lot one can gather from the lyrics.  How one shouldn’t give up easily.  To never give up on hope.  To keep the spirits up no matter what.  Coz at the end of the day, the Almighty is All Seeing and All Knowing and He is the Most Fair. Only He will show a way out when we feel there is but none.  To not regret things which have come to pass, for everything happens for a reason.  Life should be fulfilled and carried on even when you feel as if there’s nothing left to live for.  Jangan menyerah.. Just dun give up on life coz life is a gift from Him to us.  Allahu akbar..

=c’est moi=

Had wanted to write a proper entry but don’t think I’m much in the right mind to do so at this moment.  Think I’ll do that another time.  Hopefully… =\

- c’est moi -

Right now I’m just counting down the hours till I can knock off – 6pm sharp! Will be going straight to the ward again to visit dad. Visiting hours is only till 8.30pm anyway.  Will be meeting my SIL and the rest of the family there too. 

Been a super long day today.. gonna be another 3 more long days.. praying hard that Dad dun have to stay too long in the hospital.  We’ll see how it goes.  Insya Allah just gotta keep praying for his betterment… amiiin…

= c’est moi =

Been having a quite a few photography stints these past few weeks.  Am grateful for that and am still learning as I go along.  Alhamdullilah.  Will give my best for that.  For it is something that I sincerely do have a keen interest and passion for.  Hope me and my partner will get to have some more opportunities to do that for the rest of the year and beyond.  Insya Allah.  I’m just looking forward to that.

Am currently taking a hiatus from meeting K.S.  Haven’t seen her since I came back from my Indo trip last Feb.  That was another experience altogether.  What I didn’t bargained for, was delivered right smack in my face! What an utter shock it was indeed.  But I believe whatever happens, happens for a reason.  If it weren’t for that trip, I would not have discovered the true person behind that facade.  I wouldn’t have discovered the ugly games people play just for the sake of ‘fame’ or ‘recognition’ as we so commonly call it.  I wouldn’t have found out just how enhanced my level of fortitude was all along.  Just how much crap I was actually enduring all this time and didn’t even realise it.  Well, I did realise it but I guess I thought I could just shush it away.  That it was OK for me to accept such behaviour from someone whom I genuinely thought I respected.  But after that whole incident, I am rather sad to say that even that respect has been diminished quite a bit.  I gez some time out from her is necessary for me at this moment.  Perhaps all is still not lost.  Time will tell. insya Allah..

Well, more to come for sure.  Good things and bad things.  I won’t know.  I just hope and pray that when the time comes for me to deal with those matters, may He grants me the will, strength and patience that I would need.  And above all, may He always guide me in my daily life and that whatever I do, may it be for His good cause.  Insya Allah.. amiiin…

Till the next entry (who knows when that will be).. I read this somewhere by chance – the key ingredient in making yourself happy is… YOU!!

= c’est moi =

Have come to this conclusion yet again.  No matter what happens, never change yourself for somebody else.  Nor should you try too hard to impress some people.  Be it a romantic prospect or your new boss.  Just some examples mind you. It’s just not worth it.  And never expect too much from someone.  In fact, don’t expect anything from anybody.  Period. Be comfortable with who you are and if others can’t do the same with you, then that’s their problem.  Not yours. Accept it.

I have been thinking quite a lot lately on certain issues that’s been bothering me for quite some time.  Played ‘em countless times in this head of mine that I lost track.  Anyway, it does feel better once I’ve concluded them.  I will not procrastinate so much this year.  That is my ultimate resolution.  I must not put off what I can do today for tomorrow. I will act on what I feel is proper and should I doubt something or someone for that matter, I will do my utmost to get to the bottom of it.  But not to the extent of public humiliation.  I don’t play that game.

I just hope and pray that He’ll continue to guide me throughout in this new year.  Sometimes things can get quite complicated and rough.  And I do feel ‘lost’ at times but somehow or rather, alhamdullilah, have always managed to bounce right back on track.  May He give me the strength and willpower to keep doing that.  Insya Allah amiinn…

Well, enough of me feeling mellow already.  Looking forward to an awesome weekend with friends and family.  I need some time out.  Peace out..

=c’est moi=

A week had passed.  It’s been ONE WEEK since we ushered in the new year.  Unbelievable.  A lot of things running thru’ this head of mine.  It seems like there’s  a major traffic jam in there sometimes.  Like the Indonesians would say, “Macet! Macet!!”.  ;p Sheesh.. Really will need to put things down pat on a list and work it out steadily from there.  First things first.  Prioritise I will have to.  2010 gonna be another happenin’ year to be reckoned with.  I can just feel it in my bones.  Insya Allah.. will pray for better guidance and follow thru’ as necessary. It’s something that I just have to continue striving for.  No other way about it.

As for the personal front, nothing much to update as yet.  Not quite sure if there will be in the near future.  Kinda putting that on the back burner for a while right now.  You can’t help it if people aren’t as certain as you would like ‘em to be.  It’s human nature I believe.  Insecurities and uncertainties.  Part and parcel of this cycle called life.  Sometimes, it comes to a point where I would start to doubt my ownself too.  And that’s not a good thing I reckon.  When you start doubting yourself, sooner or later you’ll start doing it to everyone else around you.  That my friend, is just not me. Period.

So I shall leave it at that for now.  Will see how things will go from here henceforth.  Perhaps for the better. Perhaps there’ll be a lil’ break somewhere.  Perhaps I’ll just be cosy and stay put as it is.  Perhaps perhaps perhaps.. Only He knows what the future holds for me.  I will just have to continue to get it on… My life that is.

=c’est moi=

Your sweet countenance and your easy going nature.

Never by the naysayers were you really bothered.

Kind were your words and actions you did were kinder.

Accepted me for who I am and always ready with advice.

To others you may seem not as sophiscated as they are.

but those are the attributes that genuinely made you nice.

and those are the memories i dearly kept near, not far.

Tho’ our friendship now had come to quite an abrupt end.

And your giggles and teasings are now replaced with solemnity.

I truly cherish the days and time we shared as friends.

For someone up there couldn’t wait any more for you to be in His company..

=c’est moi=

(11 Dec 2009 – Dedicated this in memory of my late dear friend and sister, Allahyarhamah Farezah binte Mohamad who passed on earlier this morning.  May you rest in peace my dear sis and may you be amongst those who resides in His Jannah.. insya Allah.. Al Fateha.. aminnn.. )